The experience of being a human can often feel overwhelming - work, parenting, household chores, maintaining social relationships, navigating a tough economy. And yet, we’re expected to keep up. Not just survive but thrive. If you’re feeling weighed down by these demands and expectations, I hope what you read here gives you permission to slow down – and to rest.
Why Is It So Hard to Rest?
There are many reasons that people struggle to engage in rest regularly enough to comfortably navigate through the world. As a millennial therapist, some of the trends I notice with my clients include:
Cultural or societal expectations around productivity and performance.
Familial beliefs and messages around success and achievement (“don’t be lazy!” might sound familiar?).
People-pleasing tendencies that lead to difficulty setting boundaries and saying no.
A drive for perfectionism. In a society where success is often tied to productivity, resting can feel like a threat to our self-worth. We’re taught to measure our value by what we accomplish, rather than who we are.
The never-ending to-do list (a little heads up… this list will exist for as long as you are breathing, so why use it as a guiding force for living?)
Technology and the digital world can lead to feelings of inadequacy through social comparison and feeling “not good enough.”
What Do I Mean by Rest?
What exactly does “rest” mean? Rest isn't just about sleep, nor is it about “doing nothing” - it's about slowing down and giving your mind and body a chance to engage in the present moment and do things that leave you feeling recharged. When we are constantly moving from one thing or place to the next, our mind and bodies cannot keep up with incoming information and demands, leading to increased stress responses in the body and subsequent emotional dysregulation.
Learning to pause and check in with the self creates an opportunity to notice any emotions or thoughts that may be asking for some attention. We tend to ignore these when we are moving too quickly, often leading to a build-up of emotional energy.
Types of Rest
Everyone’s needs for rest are different, and that’s okay. Understanding the seven types of rest can help you figure out which areas need the most attention and how to restore balance.
Seven different types of rest include:
Social rest – fulfilling social interactions
Physical rest – sleep, gentle movement
Mental rest – body/brain breaks throughout day
Emotional rest – connection to emotional self, journaling, self-expression
Spiritual rest – community connection, meditation, prayer
Sensory rest – absence of technology, low or pleasant stimulating environments (low lighting, quiet, comfortable clothing)
Creative rest – play, baking, or hobbies such as puzzles, arts & crafts, or reading fiction.
(Check out this in-depth article for more information on the types of rest https://www.calm.com/blog/7-types-of-rest)
What Can You Do To Start Practicing Rest?
Find permission within the self to step away from the hustle. Doing less isn’t a sign of weakness or laziness.
Take a break from social media. When we compare ourselves, nothing feels good enough, leading us to take on more.
Create a nighttime routine. This creates space for the transition from day to night rather than expecting our minds to abruptly turn off from the day and fall asleep immediately.
Carve out time for personal reflection. What is going well? What is difficult? Is there anything you can let go of? Is your body or mind asking for a break? This isn’t a sign of defeat; it’s a sign you’re pushing your body past its desired capacity. Make sure to respond with kindness towards the self.
Foster meaningful relationships that feel fulfilling rather than draining.
Get curious about new hobbies. Specifically, things that are low stress. A couple of my go-to favourites are crafts and Lego (have you seen the flower bouquets and F1 cars?! Too cool).
Honour your body’s request for movement. Low expectation movements such as stretching, walking, yoga, or swimming can help our nervous system experience calmness, a key factor in mental wellbeing.
Acknowledge that your capacity will shift through different seasons (both during the year and throughout your life) and adjust accordingly to honour where you are at.
Ask for help.
Say no, or not right now, when you don’t have the capacity to socialize, help someone, or take on another task.
How Can Therapy be Helpful?
My approach to supporting clients who struggle with perfectionism, people-pleasing, and a drive for over-productivity includes a deep dive into the narrative that exists around rest. Therapy can help you explore how early life experiences, family values, and societal messages have shaped your beliefs about work, success, and rest. By understanding these patterns, you can start to challenge the narratives that keep you stuck in a cycle of overwork, helping you make healthier, more intentional choices. This increased awareness helps to discern between what is working and what is no longer serving you.
I get it… it often doesn’t feel like there is much we can let go of. You are not a machine. Nor are you a self-improvement project. You are a human with limits who deserves rest, compassion, and time to recharge and enjoy life.
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